Quirkys For You

Facts To Make Every India Proud

2006-11-26T03:06:00.000-08:00

* We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than the whites and the natives. There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). Yet---
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.
12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are Indians.

* Some of the following facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a German magazine, which deals with world history facts about India--
India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.
India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
The world's first University was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.
Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.
Although western media portray modern images of India as poverty stricken and underdeveloped through political corruption, India was once the richest empire on earth.
The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word "Navigation" is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.
The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is now known as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars have last year (1999) officially published that Budhayan's works dates to the 6th Century which is long before the European mathematicians.
Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century; the largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used numbers as big as 1053.
According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.
USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communication was Professor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
Chess was invented in India .
Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract, fractures and urinary stones. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India .
When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley ( Indus Valley Civilization).
The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

Quotes About India:

We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made: Albert Einstein
India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition: Mark Twain.
If there is one place on the face of earth where all dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India: French Scholar Romain Rolland
India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border: Hu Shih (former Chinese ambassador to USA)
All of the above is just the tip of the iceberg, the list could be endless. BUT, if we don't see even a glimpse of that great India in India that we see today, it clearly means that we are not working up to our potential; and that if we do, we could once again be an ever shining and inspiring country setting a bright path for rest of the world to follow.

Contributed By Anil Gupta (anil.gupta@tmt.in)

Benefits Of Fever

2006-11-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

Developing a fever gives the immune system a boost, according to a study in December issue of Nature Immunology. Sharon Evans and colleagues show elevating the internal temperature in mice, mimicking the fever response to infection, increases the number of immune cells that are recruited to the lymph nodes where these cells are educated and armed to seek out and destroy the offending pathogen.

Lymph nodes act as the powerhouse of the immune system. Cells and particles from nearby tissues drain into lymph nodes and alert lymphocytes, immune cells that enter nodes via the bloodstream, to the presence of foreign intruders.

Evans’ group reports that fever acts on cells called ‘high endothelial venule cells’ (HEVs), which function as gatekeepers between blood-borne cells and lymph nodes. Fever triggers HEVs to produce more CCL21, a molecule that recruits lymphocytes to the lymph node from the blood. Fever also increases the number of adhesion molecules on the surface of HEVs, resulting in more efficient lymphocyte entry into the nodes. Indeed, lymph nodes swollen by increased numbers of immune cells, as seen with mumps disease, are commonly recognized as a sign of infection.

So when suffering with a cold if you consider reaching drugs to reduce your temperature, remember that fever can actually be good for you.

(ResearchSEA)

HR Executive's Love Letter!

2006-11-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

Dearest Ms. Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 27th of July at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of 3 months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
(HR Executive)

13 Signs To Show You Are Falling In Love

2006-10-30T05:47:00.000-08:00

* When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang Up...but you miss him/her already when it was just two minutes ago!!!

* You read their texts over and over again...

* You walk really slowly when you're with them...

* You feel shy whenever you're with them...

* When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster...

* You smile when you hear their voice...

* When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you...all you see is him/her...

* You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them...

* They become ALL you think about...

* You get high just from their scent...

* You realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them...

* You would do anything for them...

* While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time...

Contributed by Kiran Verma (kiranverma2@gmail.com)

Life’s Lesson: Story About Tiny Frogs

2006-10-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs, who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. The race began.

But, no one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

Tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one...Except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher.The crowd continued to yell,"It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But, one continued higher and higher and higher. This one wouldn't give up!

At the end, everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!

Then, all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal?

It turned out...That the winner was DEAF!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic...because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you. The ones you have in your heart! Always think of the power words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore, Always be Positive. So be Deaf when people tell you that you can not fulfil your dreams! Always think, ‘I can do this’.

Contributed by Kiran Verma (kiranverma2@gmail.com)

How To Recruit Right Person For The Job

2006-10-22T03:52:00.000-07:00

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send your candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If, they are counting the bricks, put them in the accounts department.
If, they are recounting them, put them in auditing.
If, they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in engineering.
If, they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in planning.
If, they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in operations.
If, they are sleeping, put them in security.
If, they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in information technology.
If, they are sitting idle, put them in human resources.
If, they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
If, they have already left for the day, put them in marketing.
If, they are staring out of the window, put them on strategic planning.
And, then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.

Contributed by Ajay Singh (ajay.singh2@timesgroup.com)

Pollution Is Necessary This Diwali

2006-10-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

YES, ever since they put a ban on crackers, there has been a spurt in the incidence of malarial diseases. Till a few years ago, nobody in Delhi had heard of Dengue and Chikanguniya.

But once pollution control measures were initiated and a campaign to educate people to restrain them from bursting of crackers was launched, the mosquitoes have had a gala time, breeding mercilessly to extract the last drop of human blood.

Earlier, people used to get into Diwali mood right from Dussehra. Houses used to be white washed with lime, not with plastic and enamel paints as is the trend today. Large-scale use of Chuna and Safedi immediately after the rains was an effective method to control the mosquito menace.

An additional contributing factor has been the love for greenery. Households today have all kinds of ornamental plants right into the bedrooms. While we are callously denuding the forests, we have introduced small jungles in our homes, which provide the mosquitoes a safe haven. The wide-spread use of air conditioners and desert coolers appears to have made life comfortable for both man and his new permanent companion the ubiquitous mosquito which keeps making its presence felt through myriad avatars.

What now? Some rethinking needs to be done about the safe limit of pollution. A degree of pollution seems necessary. The improvement in Delhi’s ambient air quality, particularly after the use of CNG was made mandatory, has some relationship with the increase in the incidence of mosquito borne diseases. Right now the number of households using the traditional Chulha or Angeethi which used to belch smoke and fire has reduced significantly, in favor of LPG. This has also made life comfortable for the mosquito.

Research to study the impact of all these changes has to be conducted to develop effective antidotes. Also we should develop gardens, parks and forests. But for heaven’s sake don’t green your homes by filling every nook and corner with potted plants that need to be watered daily. Keep ferns and cacti or mosquito repelling plants like Tulsi.

Resume the annual practice of white washing houses with lime and Chuna. Remember India is a tropical country with climatic features that are different from those of Europe or America.

So this Diwali, forget what the experts say, Go all out and start bursting crackers non stop and light candles and Diyas, but refrain from electric illumination which does not serve any environmental purpose.

(brij.khandelwal@mediabharti.com )

Love Through Advertisement Punch Lines

2006-10-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

Want to propose a girl- Just do it- Nike
Before going to propose to a girl- Believe in the best- BPL
If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl- Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo- Vicks
If you are going to propose to a girl- Chances are 50-50- Britannia
If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her- Take it easy- Limca
Girl says NO!- Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage- Mirinda
Those who succeed in love always say- We dream because we do- Daewoo
If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend- Likho script apna apna- Rotomac
If you love someone- Go get it- Visa power
Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl- Neighbors envy owner's pride- Onida
Not satisfied with your date- Yeh dil mangey more- Pepsi
A guy having a number of girl friends- The Complete Man- Raymonds
A smart girl having a number of boyfriends- Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra- Colgate
For those lost in love- Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera- Bagpiper Whisky
For a guy & gal who hasn't yet found one- Dhoondte rehe jayo ge- Surf Excel

MGB Proves Effective Over More Invasive Alternative

2006-10-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

The research, published in Elsevier's International Journal of Surgery, studied patients who underwent mini-gastric bypass surgery, or MGB, and assessed their pre- and post-hospitalization needs. The results were compared with the findings of recent research into patients of a more invasive bypass surgery, Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RNY).

Findings from the RNY research reflected a spike in increased hospital admission after the first year of the surgery. While the increase can partly be attributed to elected procedures like plastic surgery, knee replacements and disk procedures for RNY post-op patients, the majority of admissions were for RNY-related complications.

Alternatively, the rates of hospitalization after MGB drop dramatically, and the surgery itself is shorter, safer and easier to perform than the RNY. The MGB patients who underwent surgery between January 2000 and June 2005 in the United States and who participated in the survey did of course cite some post-op problems such as renal stone disease and Cholecystectomy, but overall the complications were relatively small.

Dr. Robert Rutledge lead author of the study said "Bariatric surgery although valuable can have major risks and complications. Recent studies have shown complications and hospitalization rates of 20% per year for 3 years after Roux-en-Y gastric bypass. If the result of this study are confirmed, showing lower risk of complications and re-hospitalization after the Mini-Gastric bypass, then patients and insurers may have access to a safer and less expensive alternative."

Beyond the comparison to the RNY procedure, MGB patients also saw a decrease in their hospitalization rates after the MGB when compared to pre-MGB hospitalization rates. So as people continue to look for the quick fix to cut the pounds, the big operation may not result in the biggest results. Sometimes the best rewards come in small- or in this case- "mini" packages.

(ResearchSEA)

Diwali Trivia...

2006-10-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

Every year, the advent of Diwali brings with it a new exhilarating feeling…an anticipation of joy…a sheer celebration of life.

The spirit of Diwali…a celebration of Truth and Light. It symbolizes that age-old purpose and desire to vanquish ignorance that subdues humanity and defeat the darkness that engulfs the light of knowledge. And therefore, this festival symbolizes what we do every single day of our lives…

* Why do people gamble after the Lakshmi Puja on the third day of Diwali?

It is believed that goddess Parvati played dice with her husband- Lord Shiva on this day and she decreed that whosoever gambled on Diwali night would prosper throughout the next year.

* What is the significance of Dhanteras– the first day of Diwali?

A very interesting story about this day is of the 16-year-old son of King Hima. As per his horoscope, he was doomed to die by a snake-bite on the fourth day of his marriage. On that particular day his young wife laid heaps of ornaments, gold and silver coins at the entrance of her husband's boudoir and lit innumerable lamps all over the place. She then began narrating stories and singing songs. When Yam, the god of Death arrived in the guise of a Serpent his eyes were blinded by the dazzle of brilliant lights and he could not enter the Prince's chamber. He climbed on top of the heap of the ornaments and coins and sat there the whole night listening to melodious songs. In the morning he quietly went away. Since then Dhanteras came to be known as the day of "Yam Deepdan" and lamps are kept burning throughout the night in reverential adoration to Yam, the god of Death.

* Why do people take early morning oil baths on the second day of Diwali?

The story goes that after defeating Lord Indra, the demon king- Narakasur, ruler of Pragjyotishpur snatched away the magnificent earrings of Aditi, the Mother Goddess and imprisoned sixteen thousand daughters of the gods and saints in his harem. It was Lord Krishna who killed the demon, liberated the imprisoned damsels and recovered those precious earrings for Aditi. As a symbol of that victory Lord Krishna smeared his forehead with the demon king's blood. When he returned home at dawn, the womenfolk applied scented oil on his body and bathed him to wash away the filth from his body. Since then the custom of taking bath before sunrise on this day has become a traditional practice especially in Maharashtra.

* What is Bhai-duj?

As the legend goes Yamraj, the God of Death visited his sister Yami on this particular day. She put the auspicious tilak on his forehead, garlanded him and fed him with special dishes. While parting, Yamraj gave her a special gift as a token of his love and in return Yami also gave him a lovely gift, which she had made with her own hands. Since then this day is being observed as a symbol of love between sisters and brothers. It also became imperative for the brother to go to his sister's house to celebrate Bhai-duj.

Contributed by Bhaskar Das (bhaskar.das@timesgroup.com)

Those were the Days...

2006-10-16T06:32:00.000-07:00

When ‘gulli-danda’ and ‘kanche’ (marbles) were more popular than cricket...
When we always had friends to play ‘aais-paais’ (I Spy), ‘chhoopan-chheoopai’ and ‘pitthoo garam’ anytime...
When we desperately waited for 'Yeh Jo Hai Jindagi'…
When ‘Chitrahaar’, ‘Vikram-Baitaal’, ‘Dada Daadi Ki Kahaniyaan’ were so fulfilling...
When there was just one TV in every 5 houses…
When Bisleris were not sold in the trains and we were worrying if Papas will get back into the train in time…or not when they were getting down at stations to fill up the water bottle...
When we were going to bed by 9.00 pm sharp except for the 'Yeh Jo Hai Jindagi' day...
When Holis and Diwalis meant mostly hand-made ‘Pakwaans’ and sweets and moms seeking our help while preparing them…
When Maths teachers were not worried of our parents while slapping/beating us...
When we were exchanging comics and stamps and ‘Chacha-Chaudari, Billu and Pinki were our heroes...
When we were in ‘nanihaals’ every summer and loved flying kites and plucking and eating unripe mangoes and ‘leechis’...
When one movie on 5:45 pm every Sunday evening on television was more than asked for and 'Ek Do Teen Chaar' and 'Rajni' inspired us...
When 50 paisa meant at least 10 toffees...
When left over pages of the last years notebooks were used for rough work or even fair work...
When 'Chelpark' and 'Natraaj' were encouraged against 'Reynolds and family’...
When the first rain meant getting drenched and playing in water and mud and making 'Kaagaj Ki Kishtis'...
When there were no mobile phones to tell friends that we will be at their homes at 6 in the evening...
When our parents always had 15 paise blue colored 'Antardeshiyas Patra' and 5 paise ‘Machli wale’ stamps at home…
When we remembered tens of jokes and were not finding 'ice-cream and papa' type jokes foolish enough to stop us from laughing...
When we were not seeing ‘patakhe’ on Diwali and ‘gulaal’on Holi as air and noise polluting or allergic agents...
The list can be endless...On a serious note I would like to summarize with...
When we were using our hearts more than our brains, even for scientifically brainy activities like 'thinking' and 'deciding'...
When we were crying and laughing more often, more openly and more sincerely...
When we were enjoying our present more than worrying about our future...
When being emotional was not synonymous to being weak…
When sharing worries and happiness didn’t mean getting vulnerable to the listener...
When blacks and whites were the favorite colors instead of grey...
When journeys also were important and not just the destinations...
When life was a passenger's sleeper giving enough time and opportunity to enjoy the sceneries from its open and transparent glass windows instead of some Super Fast Trains’ second A/C with its curtained, closed and dark windows...
I really miss those… Do you?

Contributed by Ajay Singh (ajay.singh@timesgroup.com)

Everything is Less Here...

2006-10-14T05:42:00.000-07:00

Our communication- Wireless

Our dress- Topless

Our telephone- Cordless

Our cooking- Fireless

Our youth- Jobless

Our food- Fatless

Our labor- Effortless

Our conduct- Worthless

Our relation- Loveless

Our attitude- Careless

Our feelings- Heartless

Our politics- Shameless

Our education- Valueless

Our follies- Countless

Our arguments- Baseless

Our boss- Brainless

Our Job- Thankless!

Contributed by Ajay Singh (ajay.singh@timesgroup.com)

S.H.I.T. (A Memo to All Employees from Boss)

2006-10-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding List of Leaders (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of Managerial Operational Research Education (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Teaching, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
Thank you,

Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
Contributed by Ajay Singh (ajay.singh@timesgroup.com)

Hidden Romanticism in Countries

2006-10-10T03:55:00.000-07:00

H.O.L.L.A.N.D.: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
I.T.A.L.Y.: I Trust And Love You
L.I.B.Y.A.: Love Is Beautiful; You Also
F.R.A.N.C.E.: Friendships Remain And Never Can End
C.H.I.N.A.: Come Here…I Need Affection
N.E.P.A.L.: Never Ever Part As Lovers
I.N.D.I.A.: I Nearly Died In Adoration
K.E.N.Y.A.: Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing
C.A.N.A.D.A.: Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction
K.O.R.E.A .: Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity
E.G.Y.P.T.: Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A.: May All Nights Inspire Love Always
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D.: Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull

Contributed by Afsar Ahmed (afsar.ahmed@mediabharti.com)

Type of Girls

2006-10-09T02:40:00.000-07:00

Hard Disk Girls: She remembers everything, forever
RAM Girls: She forget about you, the moment turn her off
Windows Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her
Screensaver Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
Internet Girls: Difficult to access
Server Girls: Always busy when you need her
Multimedia Girls: She make horrible thing look beautiful
CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster
Email Girls: Every 10 things she says, 8 are nonsense
Virus Girls: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything...

Contributed by Afsar Ahmed (afsar.ahmed@mediabharti.com)

Computer Friendly Virus

2006-10-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

The last thing most people want in their computer's memory is a virus. But now a team of scientists has used a virus to make a memory device, according to research in this month's Nature Nanotechnology.

The memory device developed by Yang Yang and colleagues is based on the tobacco mosaic virus, which is best known for infecting the leaves of tobacco plants. The team coated the virus with a layer of platinum nano-particles, embedded this in a polymer, and then sandwiched the resulting nanostructure between two electrodes.

When a voltage was applied, the device displayed an 'on' state that remained stable until the voltage fell below a certain value, resulting in an 'off' state.

Although the switching speed is slow compared with established devices, and the switching action is still not fully understood, it should be possible to improve the performance through further research.

(ResearchSEA)

Top 10 Scents Ordered by US Prisoners

2006-09-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

New York: Gold Star Fragrances, Inc., a leading wholesaler and retailer of discount designer fragrances based on major brands, has released its top 10 list of perfumes purchased by prisoners. These statistics are based on sales to both men and women incarcerated in United States prisons.

"While sales to prisoners make up only a small percentage of overall sales, they are significant enough to have a full-time person dedicated to handling prison orders," said Vice President of Sales Lee Ben. According to current statistics, there are over 2 million prisoners incarcerated in America. Surprisingly, this is more prisoners than in China or Russia. Recent statistics stated that there are approximately 190,000 women and 1.9 million men behind bars in US.

"Most sales are small orders and placed by the prisoner or by family members," stated Ben. Top fragrances purchased by prisoners are as follows- For Men; Egyptian Musk, Sandalwood, Blue Nile, Jasmine and Frankincense while for women, these are Patti La Belle, Red Door, Paris Hilton, White Diamond and White Linen.

(EWORLDWIRE)

Types of Economics Followed by Different Countries…

2006-09-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

Traditional Economics- You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

Japanese Economics- You have 2 cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow, and produce 20 times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon! and market them worldwide.

American Economics- You have 2 cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows and naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

British Economics- You have 2 cows. They are both mad cows.

French Economics- You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want 3 cows.

German Economics- You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

Indian Economics- You have 2 cows. You worship them.

Chinese Economics- You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

Bangladesh Economics- You have 2 cows. You don't know economy. You choose one of them as the Prime Minister of the country and the other the Leader of the Opposition.

Pakistan Economics- You don't have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

Beauty of Mathematics...

2006-09-27T07:10:00.000-07:00

123 x 9 + 4 = 1111

1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111

12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111

123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111

1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111

12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111

123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

And...

9 x 9 + 7 = 88

98 x 9 + 6 = 888

987 x 9 + 5 = 8888

9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888

98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888

987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888

9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888

98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

And finally, take a look at this symmetry...

1 x 1 = 1

11 x 11 = 121

111 x 111 = 12321

1111 x 1111 = 1234321

11111 x 11111 = 123454321

111111 x 111111 = 12345654321

1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321

11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321

111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Contributed by Jayshree Lodha (jayshree.lodha@mediabharti.com)

Age Calculator: Your age by Chocolate Math

2006-08-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

This is pretty neat. It takes less than a minute. Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

* First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10).

* Multiply this number by 2.

* Add 5.

* Multiply it by 50.

* If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756... If you haven't, add 1755.

* Now subtract the 4 digit year that you were born.

* Now, you should have a 3 digit number. The first digit of this was your original number i.e. how many times you want to have chocolate each week.

The next 2 numbers are YOUR AGE! Oh! Yes, it is!!!

Note: This is for the year 2006 only.

Contributed by Kiran Verma (kiranverma2@gmail.com)

Growing Older is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional

2006-08-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know.
I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm 87 years old. Can I give you a hug?"
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."
"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next 3 months we would leave class together and talk nonstop.
I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.
She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from other students. She was living it up.
At the end of semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry, I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." (this cracked me up!)
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
There are only 4 secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
If you are 19 years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn 20 years old. If I am 87 years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn 88.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with Regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

Contributed by Vinay Vashisth (indianvv@gmail.com)

10 Reasons to Love India

2006-08-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

In 1970s, the desire for a foreigner to settle in India appeared strange. General trend was opposite. Whoever had a chance to get a plane ticket to the West, was prompt to try his/her luck and dreamt of a green card or equivalent. But now things have changed. These are the 10 reasons to love India.

1. Why I came to India: 'What is India?' Sri Aurobindo the great Indian rishi wrote in 1905: 'For what is a nation? What is our mother-country? It is not a piece of earth, nor a figure of speech, nor a fiction of the mind. It is a mighty shakti, composed of the shaktis of all the millions of units that make up the nation.'

This India: 'that is Bharat,' was what I wanted to discover when I settled in the south in 1974. It was my first and main reason to leave my family, my career (I was a dentist) and my country (I was not so attached!).

Before departing from France on a long overland journey through Europe, Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, I had seen touching movies shot by a French television director Arnaud Desjardins who in the 1960s spent several months on Indian roads to encounter sages, yogis and saints.

Images of Ma Anandamayi in her Varanasi ashram or of Swami Ramdas had deeply marked me. Desjardins also spent months in Himalayas guided by Dalai Lama's interpreter. He recorded images of Tibet's last great Lamas, many of whom had meditated for decades in remote caves of the Land of Snows and had acquired some very special powers.

My decision was taken, I would come and live in India. Then I read Sri Aurobindo's books and came to Pondicherry instead of a monastery in Dharamsala. The Bengali sage who had been the first to advocate Purna Swaraj in the early years of the 20th century, did not reject life. According to him, everything had to be transformed by the power of the spirit. This Indian philosophy of life, whether it is called Sanatan Dharma or by any other name is my first love. Other reasons ensue from it.

2. The mountains: I love beautiful mountains of India. But are they really mountains? Many believe they are the abode of gods. And India has so many gods! A friend recently told me there are 330 million gods. I am not sure how the inventory was made, but it must be true.

Is it not better to have such a rich choice? Personally, I always found the single god religions less 'creative.' Even Buddhism, if it had not incorporated thousands of deities in its Mahayanic form, would be rather dry.

It is this divine presence which makes the Himalayas so majestic and imposing. One of the best moments in my life is undoubtedly my trek to Gaumukh, the source of mighty Ganga. My visit to Hemkund Sahib in Uttaranchal will also remain a cherished souvenir.

3. A quality of being: A French journalist recently asked me: 'What was your first impression of India when you reached Pondicherry in 1974?'

I told him that it was probably the kindness and the smile of villagers around. They were poor but they had such dignity; a quality of being which made them a hundred times richer than wealthy Europeans or Americans.

Countless times, I was told 'India is a poor country,' each time I answered: 'No, India is rich because its people have this special quality. Hefty bank accounts do not make people rich.'

In recent years, Indians have become wealthier. It is good but I hope that people will not lose their inner qualities in the process.

4. Hospitality: The first thing a tourist or a visitor in India discovers is the warmth and hospitality of the Indian people. Just board a train, you will hardly be seated, that the family on the next berth will open their tiffin, with rotis, sabzi and pickles and generously offer to share their food with you.

I was told by a friend teaching in Indian Institute of Technology, Mumbai, the story of an American professor. He was on a one-year sabbatical and had found a teaching assignment at IIT. From the airport, he took a taxi to the campus. Unfortunately for him, it was the day of July 26, 2005 floods in city. Soon his taxi was stuck in traffic and water level began mounting. Seeing his gloomy situation, an Indian family passing by, offered to take him and his luggage to their nearby home. They eventually offered him their bed while they slept on the floor. American professor was so deeply moved. He had touched one of the core qualities of Indian people. Everyone in India knows hundreds of such incidents.

5. The economic renaissance: Sri Aurobindo, in the article already cited, had written that at beginning of 20th century, Mother India, the Great Shakti was 'inactive, imprisoned in the magic circle of Tamas, the self-indulgent inertia and ignorance of her sons...'

Nothing pleases more that to see that since the beginning of the 1990s, India had taken an upbeat turn in the economic field. Late Prime Minister PV Narasimha Rao and his Finance Minister Manmohan Singh will be remembered in history as those who dared to abandon the old Soviet path of a planned economy.

It is significant that these changes came after the Non Resident Indians began doing extremely well in the West. One could ask, why were Indians doing so well outside India and not in India?

It is probably because in India, creativity, an engrained Indian quality has been too stifled by bureaucratic rules and babus of all types. Indian government is unfortunately a serial killer of creativity.

6. Creativity: In India, I have always found remarkable the individuals' creative genius.

To quote Sri Aurobindo (1905) again: 'For 3000 years at least-- it is indeed much longer-- she (India) has been creating abundantly and incessantly, lavishly, with an inexhaustible many sidedness, republics and kingdoms and empires, philosophies and cosmogonies and sciences and creeds and arts and poems and all kinds of monuments, palaces and temples and public works, communities and societies and religious orders, laws and codes and rituals, physical sciences, psychic sciences, systems of Yoga, systems of politics and administration, arts spiritual, arts worldly, trades, industries, fine crafts,-- the list is endless.'

It is only now, nearly 60 years after Independence that this Indian creativity starts expressing itself whether it is in India or abroad.

7. Political hospitality: I have often criticized Jawaharlal Nehru for his numerous blunders in foreign policy, but I must acknowledge that he had the courage and wisdom to give asylum to Dalai Lama and his followers in 1959 and this despite his friendship with Zhou Enlai and Chinese leadership.

Dalai Lama told me once that during his first meeting with Nehru in September 1959, the Indian Prime Minister told him, 'I will not support you politically, but I will educate your children.'

Thanks to the political kindness of Indian people, Tibetan Buddhism and its rich tradition have been able to survive, when they were erased in their own land. This personally touches me deeply.

8. Human babus: I often criticize the babus, 'a native clerk who knows English', according to the Hobson Jobson dictionary, but I must admit that despite all his failings, the Indian babu is a human being with whom one can always discuss and who is susceptible to understand the human side of personal predicaments. This is not the case with 'the Administration' in the West.

9. The Indian Army: Something has always amazed me: the untamable courage and abnegation of Indian jawans and officers. During the Kargil conflict for example, is it not incredible that despite a terrain entirely in their disfavor, the Indian troops managed to
recapture all the peaks occupied by Pakistan?

American Marines would never have succeeded in doing what Gorkha regiments or Ladakh Scouts achieved. Hundreds of similar examples could be given. One still remembers how Major Somnath Sharma, first Param Vir Chakra awardee, saved Srinagar airport (and Kashmir) from raiders in November 1947 at the cost of his life and his men's lives.

10. The grace: One day an Indian friend of mine was visiting Israel. His guest asked him: 'How does India work?' My friend was a bit surprised by the question, but before he could answer, his Israeli colleague told him: 'Here we work with our guts.' My friend's answer came at once: 'In India, it is the Grace which sustains us.' This exchange has come back to my mind in innumerable circumstances. I think it is very true.

One more reason to love India!

If one balances the 'hate-able' and 'lovable', the irritating aspects are just superficial prickly heat; the deeper one goes, the more one sees the inner qualities of Bharat. No doubt, this will make India a truly great nation in the years to come.

(Gaurang)

Don’t Wait to Say ‘Sorry’...

2006-08-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

Last night you and your best friend had a fight. You decide not to talk to her the next day.
She smiles at you. You grind your teeth at her.
She tells her friends nice things about you. You spread bad rumours about her.
She tries to come and talk to you. But you push her aside.
She thinks you are a great friend. You think she is a terrible friend.
She writes nice notes to you, telling you about the best times you shared together. You write about all the bad times you can remember experiencing together.
Deep down you know she's sorry. But all you have is hate.
The next day you find a note. It reads:

Dear -------------,
I tried to tell you yesterday, but you didn't let me speak, I tried to tell you good things, but you were afraid to hear them.
I tried to smile at you, to take away the hate.
But now it's time to tell you, even though it's a bit late. That I am dying.
I have a bad condition and it is getting worse. I'm sorry to have to tell you that I won't be able to see you today. I wrote this to you today in the hospital. My time is up.
I'm sorry I should have told you sooner.
I'm really sorry about our argument, you are such a great friend.
I promise I shall watch over you,
Lots of love!
-------------

You run to the hospital to tell her you are sorry, But only her mom is left. Her hand clasped over her face. And she was crying. Down on her knees she prays, for her daughter to come back.

You are too late.
You wish you told her sorry sooner and got to say goodbye!
All friends have their ups and downs, and sometimes you need to say sorry... Don't wait for the other person to do it first. Because you never know what could happen.

Why Indians Can't be Terrorists...

2006-08-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

* We are always late we would have missed the flight.
* Pretty girls on the plane would distract us!
* We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
* With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
* We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
* We would All want to fly the plane.
* We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
* We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.
* We would have put our country's flag on the windshield. And Finally…
* We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages.

Do You Know Who Works for India???

2006-08-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

The population of India is 100 crore
1,00,00,00,000
But 19 crore are retired,
-19,00,00,000
That leaves 81 crore do the work.
81,00,00,000
There are 25 crore in school,
- 25,00,00,000
Which leaves 56 crore to do the work,
56,00,00,000
Of this there are 22 crore employed by the Central Government,
-22,00,00,000
Leaving 34 crore to do the work,
34,00,00,000
4 crore are in the Armed Forces,
-4,00,00,000
Which leaves 30 crore to do the work,
30,00,00,000
Take away from above total the 20 crore people work For State Governments,
(State Government employees officially do not work!)
-20,00,00,000
And that leaves 10 crore to do the work,
10,00,00,000
Total unemployed are 8 crore,
-8,00,00,000
And that leaves 2 crore to do the work,
2,00,00,000
At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals,
-1,20,00,000
Leaving 80 lakhs to do the work,
80,00,000
Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute, there are 79,99,998 people in prisons throughout the country,
-79,99,998
That leaves just 2 people to do the work,
Yes! Just....... 2
You and me!!! And currently, you are reading this bakwas.
So, I am the only person in our country who is working! And that's why India is surviving!!!
Now, please go back and do your job because, for a change, I want to rest.
And I don't want India to suffer because of that.

The Brick!!!

2006-08-09T05:06:00.000-07:00

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down.

When he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. Angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!" God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

The God

2006-08-08T05:57:00.000-07:00

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it,

If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it!

He sends you flowers every spring,

He sends you a sunrise every morning!

God didn't promise days without pain,

Laughter without sorrow, sun without rain!

But, He did promise strength for the day,

Comfort for the tears, and light for the way!

If God brings you to it,

He will bring you through it!

Q&A for IAS Test…

2006-08-02T05:16:00.000-07:00

Q. What is more difficult than getting an elephant in a car?
A. Getting 2 elephants in a car!!

Q. What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in a car? (Don't raise the number)
A. Getting 2 pregnant elephants in a car!!!

Q. What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants in a car? (Don't use another adjective for elephant).
A. Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a scooter!!

Q. What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a scooter? (Don't change the vehicle or animal).
A. Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter!!!

Q. What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter? (Don't use another adjective for scooter).
A. Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill!!

Q. What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill?
A. Getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill, in stormy weather!!

Q. What is more difficult than getting 2 pregnant elephants on a moving scooter, up the hill in stormy weather? (Enough of you, now don't add single word in your previous answer).

A. Getting 2 elephants pregnant, on a moving scooter, up the hill, in stormy weather!!

Things to Prove You are a Mumbayite...

2006-07-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

* You say "town" and expect everyone to know that this means south of Churchgate
* You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Mumbayite can understand
* Your door has more than 3 locks
* Rs.500/- worth of groceries fit in one paper bag
* Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life
* You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home
* You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall
* You're paying Rs.10,000/- for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal"
* You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Mumbai.
* Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road etc.
* Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately
* The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement
* You take fashion seriously. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you
* You compare Mumbai to New York's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India
* The most frequently used part of your car is the horn
* You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression
* Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes
* Being truly alone makes you nervous
* You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it ''romantic'
* Only in Mumbai, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicke

Amchi Mumbai

2006-07-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

A city…

Where everything is possible, especially the impossible
Where lovers first love and then marry, Where there is place for every Tom, Dick and Harry
Where telephone bills make a person ill, Where a person cannot sleep without a pill

Where carbon-dioxide is more than oxygen, Where the road is considered to be a dustbin
Where college canteens are full and classes empty, Where Adam teasing is also making an entry
Where a cycle reaches faster than a car, Where everyone thinks himself to be a star

Where sky scrapers overlook the slum, Where houses collapse as the monsoon comes
Where people first act and then think, Where there is more water in the pen than ink
Where the roads see-saw in monsoon, Where the beggars become rich soon

Where the roads are leveled when the minister arrives
Where college admission means hard cash, Where cement is frequently mixed with ash
This is Mumbai my dear, But don't fear, just cheer and come to Mumbai every year!

Mumbai Not Like That!

2006-07-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

Mumbai i.e. Bombay has no bombs and is a harbor not a bay
Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station
There is no darkness in Andheri
Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden
Neither king ever stayed at Kings Circle, nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus, nor is there any princess at Princess Street
Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel
There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines
The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi
There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar
Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps
Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar Tram Terminus (Dadar T.T.)
Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital
Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water
You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street
There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl
There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada
Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market
Null bazaar does not sell taps
You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar
Kalachowki does not have a black Police station
Hanging Gardens are not suspended
Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies
Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi, Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi, Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi
But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!!!

Unity in Diversity

2006-07-20T05:05:00.000-07:00

‘Unity in Diversity’ is the main characteristics of Indian culture. Bengali, Bihari, Punjabi, Gujarati all the communities live with their dignities here. All the people have their will, their aspirations and, of course, their dreams…These are the situations and imaginary perceptions about them when they meet together…

Bengali

One Bengali = poet
Two Bengalies = a film society
Three Bengalies = political party
Four Bengalies = two political parties
More than four Bengalies = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli back into Team

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav
Two Biharies = booth-capturing squad
Three Biharies = caste killing
Four Biharies = entire literate population of Patna

Punjabi

One Punjabi = 100 kg. hulk named as Pinky
Two Punjabies = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at local McDonalds
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one

Malayalies

One Malayali = coconut stall
Two Malayalies = a boat race
Three Malayalies = gulf job racket
Four Malayalies = oil slick

Uttar Pradesh

One bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two bhaiyyas = halwai shop [sweet shop]
Three bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad

Gujaraties

One Gujarati = share-broker in a Mubai train
Two Gujaratis = rummy game in a Mumbai train
Three Gujaratis = Mumbai’s noisiest restaurant
Four Gujaratis = stock market scam

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman
Two Kashmiries = carpet factory
Three Kashmiries = terrorist outfit
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the US consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

Mumbayite

One Mumbayite = footpath vada-pav stall
Two Mumbayites = film studio
Three Mumbayites = slum
Four Mumbayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket
Two Sindhis = papad factory
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association

Marwari

One Marwari = the neighborhood foodstuffs adulterator
Two Marwaris = 50% of Kolkata
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis and Sindhis
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community

Haryanvi

One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavies = agriculture
Three haryannavies = Lathi squad
Four haryanavies = actually just one was enough

Ask Petrol Bunk Helper to Hold Gun Down...

2006-07-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

This is a freak incident that happened recently. A young man and his 4 year old son went to a petrol bunk near Lal bagh in Bangalore to fill in petrol for his bike. Boy was sitting on the pillion behind him. The helper who fills petrol held the petrol gun upwards, and turned towards the meter to re-set the meter.

As soon as the setting was done the petrol came out gushing out of the gun- due to some malfunction- (at least that's what they said) in full speed and splashed all over the 4 year old boy and his father. Petrol entered the eyes of the boy. Immediately the boy was taken into the cleaning area and was showered in a water jet. They washed his eyes with lot of water. But the boy could not see anything. The young man took the child to the hospital and immediately the hospital authorities put him in Intensive Care Unit. The kid was then transferred to Vittala Netralaya and after 2 days of treatment he got some vision again.

Now, he is alright and is at home. The doctors told that just because the water cleaning was done immediately, he has vision today otherwise the boy would have been blind by now. Petrol, along with impurities can burn the tissues inside the eye.

So, it is advised that please take some precautions next time you are at a petrol bunk---

* If the engine was in running condition, this could have caused a major Fire. So, switch off the engine in bunks

* Drop small kids and the person sitting behind you outside the bunk and fill in petrol. Kids are more sensitive than grown ups

* Ask the petrol bunk helper boy to hold the gun down. Even if there is such an accident let the petrol flow down and not on your face

Simple Formulae and Quotes…

2006-07-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

Smart man + smart woman = Romance

Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy

Dumb man + smart woman = Affair

Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage

Smart boss + smart employee = Profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = Production

Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband

* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little

* To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

A Love Story...

2006-07-13T02:24:00.000-07:00

Girl and boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night. They loved each other a lot...

Girl: "Slow down a little... I'm scared..."

Boy: "No, it's so fun..."

Girl: "Please... it's so scary..."

Boy: "Then say that you love me..."

Girl: "Fine... I love you... can you slow down now?"

Boy: "Give me a big hug...". Girl gave him a big hug.

Girl: "Now can you slow down?"

Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's uncomfortable and it's bothering me while I drive."

The next day, there was a story in newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes were broken. There were two people on motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived. The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn't want to let the girl know, because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared. Instead, he was told the last time that she loved him, got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she can live, and die himself...

When a Boy... and When a Girl...!

2006-07-12T05:40:00.000-07:00

When a boy is quiet..., He has nothing to say.

When a boy is not arguing..., He is not in the mood of arguing.

When a boy looks at you with eyes full of question..., He is really confused.

When a boy answers "I am fine" after a few seconds..., He is actually fine.

When a boy stars at you..., He is either amazed or angry.

When a boy lays in your lap..., He is wishing for you to be his forever.

When a boy calls you everyday..., He is spending a lot of talk time to get your attention.

When a boy SMS you everyday..., He is forwarding them.

When a boy says 'I love you'..., It's not the first time.

When a boy says that he can't live without you..., He has made up his mind that you are his for at least a week.

While...

When a girl is quiet..., Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a girl is not arguing..., She is thinking deeply.

When a girl look at you with eyes full of questions..., She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I am fine" after a few seconds..., She is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you..., She is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl lays on your chest..., She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday..., She is seeking for your attention.

When a girl SMS you everyday..., She wants you to reply at least once.

When a girl says 'I love you'..., She means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you..., She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says 'I miss you'..., No one in this world can miss you more than her.

(Contributed by Kiran Verma, New Delhi)

Grasshopper And Ant Story!

2006-06-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

Have you heard the story of an ant and a grasshopper! No! OK! Let me tell. There was an ant and a grasshopper. Ant was working hard in withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter, and, a grasshopper thinks ant as a fool and laughs, dances, plays as well.

The summer away and come winter. The ant is warm and well fed but grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Now look this story in today's context!

The ant is working hard in withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter and the grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs, dances, plays as well. The summer away and come winter.

Shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. All the news channels show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to
suffer so? Fundamental Rights activists stage demonstrations in front of ant's house. Amnesty International and United Nations criticizes government for not upholding the fundamental rights of grasshopper. Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper. Opposition MP's stage a walkout. Political parties call for "Bandh" all over demanding Judicial Enquiry. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA, and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by all news channels. Fundamental Rights activists calls it "a triumph of justice". United Nations invites grasshopper to address General Assembly. Isn't it.......

(Contributed by Vinay Vashisht, Janakpuri, New Delhi

9 Things God Won't Ask...

2006-06-18T02:27:00.000-07:00

God won't ask what kind of car you drove,
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

God won't ask the square footage of your house,
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet,
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask what your highest salary was,
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

God won't ask what your job title was,
He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

God won't ask how many friends you had,
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived,
He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin,
He'll ask about the content of your character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation,
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

Professionals in Heaven!

2006-06-02T06:36:00.000-07:00

Today, we think that we have invented lots of things and systems in our computer lab, but in Heaven, these systems and proceedings already have created...Professionals are working there infinitely...as...

Brahma: Systems Installation
Vishnu: Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts Consultant
Saraswati: Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva: DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh: Quality Assurance & Documentation
Narada: Data Transfer
Yama: Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta: IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
Devas: Mainframe Programmers
Surya: Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas: In House Hackers
Ravan: Internet Explorer WWWF
Kumbhakaran: Zombie Process
Lakshman: Support Software and Backup
Hanuman: Linux/s390
Baali: MS Windows
Sugreeva: DOS
Jatayu: Firewall
Dronacharya: System Programmer
Vishwamitra: Sr. Manager Projects
Shakuni: Annual appraisal & Promotion
Valmiki: Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off Document)
Krishna: SDLC (Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)
Dharmaraj Yudhishthira: ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Arjun: Lead Programmer (All Companies are Vying for Him)
Abhimanyu: Trainee Programmer
Draupadi: Motivation & Team Building
Bhima: Mainframe Legacy System
Duryodhana: Microsoft Product Written in Visual Basic
Karna: Contract Programmer
Dhrutarashtra: Visual C++
Gandhari: Dreamweaver
100 Kauravas: Microsoft Service Packs and Patches

Let Us Support the Reservation...

2006-05-31T04:25:00.000-07:00

We should have job reservations in all the fields. We completely support the Prime Minister and all the politicians for promoting this.

Let's start the reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10% reservation for Muslims. 30% for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be modified accordingly.

The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a six hit by a OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring 60 runs should be declared as a century.

We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above this speed should be made illegal.

Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.

There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians (that can really help the country..)

Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country..) Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide our country forward.

(Contributed by Vinay Vashisht, Janakpuri, New Delhi)

Do You Care for Your Teeth?

2006-05-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

All of us see the dream of clean white teeth, but in reality, do we care our teeth properly. Take the following quiz to know the truth. For results, look at the bottom…

* Are you brushing your teeth regularly twice a day i.e. after breakfast and dinner?

* Are you rinsing your mouth thoroughly with water every time you snack during the day?

* Are you using a soft to a medium toothbrush with a small head to brush your teeth?

* Are you changing your toothbrush in every two months?

* Are you going regularly for your 6 monthly dental checkups and professional cleaning (scaling) of your teeth?

Answers---

If you have 4 to 5 "Yes" then you care for your teeth.

If you have 2 to 3 "Yes" then you need to do more care for your teeth.

If you have 0 to 1 "Yes" then you are neglecting your teeth.

(Contributed by Dr. Supriya Bhatia Dentist on panel for Bennett Coleman & Co. Ltd)

Mom! Before I Say Good Bye...

2006-05-14T03:14:00.000-07:00

I went to a party Mom, I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom, So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom, The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom, Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom, I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom, As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom, I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me, So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom, But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom, And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom, And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom...I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom, And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom, I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom. The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom. Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom, Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom, Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom, I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom. I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom. When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom. Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive, So why am I the one to die?

Medicines Discarded Globally but Available in India

2006-04-09T06:01:00.000-07:00

India has become a dumping ground for banned drugs; also the business for production of banned drugs is blooming. Make sure that you buy drugs only if prescribed by a doctor and that also from a reputed drug store. Not many people know about these banned drugs and consume them causing a lot of damage to themselves. This info can be a little inaccurate but then precaution is best medicine...
Analgin: Pain-killer. Reason for ban: Bone marrow depression. Brand name: Novalgin

Cisapride: Acidity, constipation. Reason for ban: Irregular heartbeat. Brand name: Ciza, Syspride

Droperidol: Anti-depressant. Reason for ban: Irregular heartbeat. Brand name: Droperol

Furazolidone: Antidiarrhoeal. Reason for ban: Cancer. Brand name: Furoxone, Lomofen

Nimesulide: Pain-killer, fever. Reason for ban: Liver failure. Brand name: Nise, Nimulid

Nitrofurazone: Antibacterial cream. Reason for ban: Cancer. Brand name: Furacin

Phenolphthalein: Laxative. Reason for ban: Cancer. Brand name: Agarol

Phenylpropanolamine: Cold and cough. Reason for ban: stroke. Brand name: D'cold, Vicks Action-500

Oxyphenbutazone: Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. Reason for ban: Bone marrow depression. Brand name: Sioril

Piperazine: Anti-worms. Reason for ban: Nerve damage. Brand name: Piperazine

Quiniodochlor: Anti-diarrhoeal. Reason for ban: Damage to sight. Brand name: Enteroquinol

Lets Think...

2006-04-05T03:44:00.000-07:00

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.

Simple formulae!!!

2006-03-09T04:47:00.000-08:00

* SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT

* An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot Com

* One Chinese Gymnast = India’s Gold Medal tally since 1896

* Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan

* 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie

* Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol

* Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mums favorite serials.

* Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

* 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

* 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

* 1 person + straigh hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt

* 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

* One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film

Power of 112

2006-03-07T04:50:00.000-08:00

The Emergency Number worldwide for GSM Mobile is 112 and not 999. You can dial 112 even without a SIM Card.

If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, then dial 112 immediately and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you.

And interestingly, this number can be dialed even while the keypad is locked.

Horoscope for this Year

2006-03-05T04:05:00.000-08:00

If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating! The "meanings" are at bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?

2. Your first initial?

3. Your month of birth?

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

6. Your favorite number?

7. Do you like California or Florida more?

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

Now take a glance on answers

Answers--

1. If you choose:
Red- You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black- You are conservative and aggressive.
Green- Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow- You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.

8. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

9. This wish will come true before your next birthday

God Works in Mysterious Ways!

2006-03-03T22:53:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, I was working late, and decided to call my wife before I left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but my wife didn't answer the phone.

I let the phone ring many times. I thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When I tried again she answered right away. I asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. We brushed it off as a fluke and went on our merry ways.

The following Monday, I received a call at the church office, which was the phone that I had used that Saturday night. The man that I spoke with wanted to know why I had called on Saturday night.

I couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." I remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that I had not intended to call his wife.

The man said, "That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.

You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"

The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that I attend is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!

Fundoo Mathematician

2006-03-01T04:36:00.000-08:00

Long ago, a mathematician used to cheat people. Once he borrowed Rs.4000/- from a rich man. After a few days, he borrowed Rs.2000/- from the same man.

Many days passed, the mathematician did not return the money to the rich man. The rich man went to the mathematician and asked to return the money.

But to his great surprise, the mathematician replied that there is no need to pay the debt.

"See here, friend" said the mathematician "the sum of 4000 and 2000 is equal to zero, so I do not have any balance to pay".

The rich man took the matter to the court. When the judge came to know
this, he was astonished. He asked the mathematician to prove that sum of 4000 and 2000 is zero, and not 6000.

The Clever mathematician agreed. He said:

let a == 4000, b == 2000 and c == 6000

a + b == c

Multiply both sides by a + b

(a + b) (a + b ) == c (a + b)

a*a + ab + ba + b*b == ca + cb

a*a + ab - ca == cb - b*b - ba

a( a + b -c) == -b(b + a - c)

so a == - b

a + b == 0

Hence 4000 + 2000 = 0...........

Customer Care in 2020!

2006-02-07T00:33:00.000-08:00

May be you would face this conversation in year 2020 on your phone
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator: "OK... you're... Mr. Reddy and you're calling from 17, Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now, Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator: "We are connected to the system, Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator: "That's not a good idea, Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week, Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes, Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator: "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator: "Is there anything else, Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%

Operator: "Better watch your language, Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

Perfecting Our Soul

2006-01-29T23:46:00.000-08:00

Life is our classroom for perfecting our souls,
the forks in the road help us choose our own goals.
There’s no right or wrong in the direction we choose,
God gave us free will; we don’t win or lose.
We can veer right or left or go forward or back
Take which way feels right, for no learning shall lack.
And when this life ends, we’ll look back and decide
if we yearn more perfection, or stay on the Other Side
Each immortal soul is given the choice
to come back to a life to express a new voice,
but remember, each day, if life seems not to give
a choice of circumstance;
It’s through those lessons we must live
sometimes worth it to leave it to chance.
They’re all for perfecting, though sometimes bring pain,
but gets better with time…for it’s more wisdom we gain
-Brij Khandelwal

Twinkies and Root Beer

2006-01-29T00:13:00.000-08:00

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?

"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

Ultimate Boss!

2006-01-28T03:51:00.000-08:00

Scientists at Rocket launching station in Thumba, were in the habit of working for nearly 12 to 18 hours a day. There were about 70 such scientists working on a project. All the scientists were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him- Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5:30 pm. His boss replied- OK, You are permitted to leave the office early today.

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion. The time was 8:30 pm. Suddenly he remembered of promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss, he was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home. Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children. He reached home. Children were not there. His wife alone was sitting in hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him.

His wife asked him- Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry. The man replied- If you would like to have coffee, I too will have but what about Children???

Wife replied- You don't know- Your manager came at 5:15 pm and has taken the children to the exhibition. What had really happened was....!!! The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5:00 pm. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition. The boss does not have to do it every time. But once it is done, loyalty is established. That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss even though the stress was tremendous.

By the way, can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was???

"His Excellency "Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam"

[Contributed by Afsar Ahmed, Bank Colony, Laxmi Nagar, New Delhi]

Keep It Up!

2006-01-27T07:55:00.000-08:00

Keep it up all you guys there
Keep fighting till you finish off this world
Black vs white, man vs woman
Mad vs sane
Normal vs abnormal
Keep fighting till you draw a blank
And turn the world upside down
For creation there has to be destruction
So plant bombs, sharpen your knives
Stab one another and bleed humanity
You will never change
Because you have been programmed to kill
No amount of education or moral preaching
Construction of churches and temples will change your outlook
Each passing day you hasten your pace towards your grave
Yet you never learn

-Brij Khandelwal

Quick Thinking...

2006-01-23T00:11:00.000-08:00

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund! Nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.

Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well.

Realize values....!

2006-01-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

* To realize value of a sister/brother, ask someone who doesn't have one.
* To realize value of 10 years, ask a newly divorced couple.
* To realize value of 4 years, ask a graduate.
* To realize value of one year, ask a student who has failed a final exam.
* To realize value of 9 months, ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
* To realize value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
* To realize value of one week, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
* To realize value of one minute, ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
* To realize value of one-second, ask a person who has survived an accident.
- Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special -
To realize value of a friend or family member, LOSE ONE.
Remember...! hold on tight to the ones you love!
[Contributed by Shyam Sharma, Vaishali, Ghaziabad, UP]

'Office boy' at Microsoft or Millionaire'

2005-10-30T06:31:00.000-08:00

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as test. "You are employed" he said.

'Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as the date when you may start.'

Man replied 'But I don't have a computer, nor an email.'

I'm sorry', said the HR manager, 'If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg. tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When conversation was concluded, broker asked him his email.

Man replied, 'I don't have an email.'

Broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!'
Man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'

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